Wondrous Attraction

 I whispered the words softly to hear his deep, crackly voice through the vocal cloud. His stiff sleeve rubbed my arm and leathery, sausage-like fingers squeezed tightly around mine to seize my attention. Smiling eyes shifted to meet mine and then closed. I let my gaze linger upon his saline-moistened face nodding up and down, as if he were envisioning the emblem on that hill far away.

Over a fierce game of Canasta, homemade mashed potatoes and fried chicken lingered on our senses as Tennessee Ernie Ford serenaded, “Jesus suffered and died, to pardon and sanctify me.”

Though far from grasping the essence of meaning for myself, when the tune of the Old Rugged Cross swayed in the air, I felt him cling to every word. The Old Rugged Cross held a wondrous attraction for him. Child-like curiosity forced me to wonder why he cherished like a lost treasure what the world despised.

From the backseat of the Grand Marquis, I heard the tape rewind for the umteenth time, etching the cost of Calvary on my mind. A world of lost sinners could not wash away the inscription. One day, I would understand why the dear Lamb of God left his glory above to save a lost sinner like me.

Why am I glowing?

“You are just glowing all over.”

Next they ask, “Is there something you forgot to tell us? Wink. Wink. What my friends are really asking is, “Is there a new special someone in your life?”

My response paints a picture of disappointment on their faces…until I tell them why I am glowing.

It happened again today and it got me thinking. Funny how people associate “the glow” with a new found romance. In fact, “the glow” does radiate from a fulfilling romance, but it’s not the kind you're thinking.  I am single with no prospects looming even in on the distance horizon. So why am I radiating?  It’s because I am involved in a romance that is more fulfilling than any earthly romance.

No matter how right he is for me, how godly, or how compatible we are together, man cannot fill the ache in my heart. I’ve observed a plethora of relationships from “just friends” to sixty-plus years married and it’s an obvious fact that only the God of the universe is going to fill the void in my heart (and yours) because he planned it that way. Even the happiest of human relationships still leave me wanting. The God who created us made us to find satisfaction in him alone.

He sacrificed his perfect Son to have me.

His commitment to me will not end.

His covenant will not be broken.

His promises will never fail.

He loves me unconditionally.

He considers me beautiful.

He looks out for my best interest.

He provides for my simplest and most complex needs.

He doesn’t tire of listening to me.

He never rejects me.

He accepts me even when I reject Him.

He is faithful in His love toward me.

His forgiveness never runs out.

He won’t leave me or forsake me.

He picks me up when I fall.

He finds me when I hide.

He is what’s best for me.

His love for me is unmatchable.

He romances me beyond my wildest dreams.

He surprises me with what I would have wanted if I had His imagination.

His love is addicting and can’t help but give my life to him and want to tell others about Him so they can experience how wonderful He is.

How am I so confident in His love, you ask. The reason is Jesus Christ. Let me tell you about how this man has completely changed my life and how He can change yours as well.

Jesus was God’s only son who displayed God’s perfection as a man living on earth, but without sin. He came because all the rest of mankind rebelled against God by disobeying His commands. The penalty for their disobedience was death, which created a chasm in the relationship between God and man that could only be restored under certain conditions: Either man had to die, or a perfect sacrifice had to be made on their behalf. God loved the world so much that He chose to give His only Son as a sacrifice for the rebellion of His people.

Jesus Christ was born of a sinful human and lived a perfect life among imperfect people to teach them God’s love. Then, as the ultimate example and necessary sacrifice, he poured out his life through death on a cross. This was God’s plan for reconciling the world to Himself. He died the most horrific and gruesome death ever known in order to pay for the disobedience of God's people. You see God loves us so much that he provided a way for our relationship with Him to be restored completely, forever.

Every person now has a chance to experience the most fulfilling relationship known to man. Trusting in Christ’s payment for your own rebellion will enable you to spend eternity getting to know Him, instead of experiencing separation and wrath for eternity. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by committing to a relationship with Him. God paid for your wrongdoings and mine with the sacrifice of His Son.

The decision to trust and follow Him will lead you to a relationship of complete and lasting fulfillment like you can never experience with any other human being. Does this sound like something you want, but haven’t been able to attain? Will you turn from your rebellion and trust Christ’s payment for your offense toward God so you can have this fulfillment and start glowing with giddiness?

I haven’t always had this glow of contentment, but I’m thankful that God has wooed me in such a way that my heart is now falling more in love with him...who loved and pursued me first. The glow you see is the overflow of that love and affection. I’m experiencing the romance of a God who loves me more than any man is capable of here on earth. I am fulfilling my purpose in displaying his complete sufficiency.

. 

Who's Got Your Back?

Class ended and our minds could not contain our thoughts so Caitlyn and I sat on a bench for two hours discussing the implications of the gospel of grace, wondering what it would look like if we were to place our hope completely in Christ.

We talked about the inner conflict that we experience between hoping in our own efforts verses hoping in Christ alone for results and merit. It is so easy to find ourselves back in an "it all depends on me" mentality that forgets the God of the Universe is backing you.

The discourse continued for the moon and stars to hear every word. We hardly noticed all the passersby during our bench discussion, but one turned our attention toward something profound.

Dr. Hannah walked out of a classroom building with another professor beaming like the moon.  I wondered to myself why he might be smiling. Then he spoke of how brave we were to be out so late.

I asked him if he had a good class and he said, "Oh, I don't know what's good or bad anymore. When I was younger I used to think I knew what was a good class. I am learning as I get older, what I think is good, is really bad and what I think is bad is really good. So, I just let it go. And...I think our minds have a way of forgetting the bad and remembering the good."

I considered what he meant by "just letting it go" to mean that he surrendered the results. And that over the years he realized that the results have little to do with how well class went, but ultimately God using his efforts in spite of him. He walks into class expectant for God to work no matter what and he leaves confident that whether class seemed to go well or not, God is not limited by either.

I understood exactly what he was saying. After a two hour discussion about grace and hope in Christ, his comment couldn't have come at a better time. So I replied in awe, "Wow, Sounds like you trust the Holy Spirit to work with you or in spite of you."

Then I turned to Caitlyn and said, "Wow, that's a professor who models an understanding of grace in his own life."

One Couple's Story: 61 years

"I'm gonna marry that girl!" he thought to himself when she walked out on the front porch, seeing her for the first time. My grandparents were set up on a blind date over 61 years ago by their friend Helen.

Memaw tell always her side of the story by saying, "I thought he was rich because he gave me a box of Whitman's samplers on our first date...I soon found out he was poor as dirt." And then she always adds, "I had to slap him three times on our first date....to see if he was awake." To this day I'm not sure that is true. Besides, you don't have to be around my grandfather long to have a hard time imagining him falling asleep on a first date.

Funny thing...as smitten as he was, he stood her up for the second date! She got a letter saying, "I'm in the army now! Please wait for me..." He enlisted, ready to set sail for Germany.

The entire 18 months she sent letters and homemade chocolate candy hoping for him to return. His comrades used to joke with him saying, "If you don't write her back man, we will! We've got to keep those chocolates coming!!"

They were married at a friend's house on October 20th, 1950. Twenty-one years young and sweetly naive they were finally ready to begin their journey together. My grandfather, a farm boy all his life, watched his father toil tirelessly over his crops year by year. It was far from the life he wanted for himself or his future family.

He spent a year farming tobacco for his pa in order to pay off his debt, then he landed a job working in the produce department in a local grocery store called the A & P. Little did he know that his first job selling produce would set a premise for his life as a salesman...he went on to sell groceries, vacuum cleaners, Pepsi, Lance snack foods, fresh caught fish, and now pecans and homemade pickles from his backyard business.


My grandfather 'retired' from Lance in 1983 and took up commercial fishing. If you know my grandfather, he doesn't do anything halfway. Every morning before sun-up he went to the river to work his nets then he would take his fresh catch to all his regular customers. He was my babysitter as little squirt, so I got to tag along when school was out. People would come out to greet him as soon as he drove up and in turn he treated them as if he'd known them forever; No one is a stranger to my grandfather.


A fishing accident during a northeaster found him clinging to a buoy amidst white caps in the Neuse River. He hugged the buoy and prayed for God to deliver him. The next thing he saw was angels hovering above the water and then a fishing boat coming his way. It was a sure sign to him that God answered his cry for help. Before long, he was back on safe ground giving God all the credit for saving him that day. Later they found his boat capsized along with his coolers of fish. This is a perfect picture of how faith and determination fuels this man's life.



He sold his boat once fishing became too much for his health, but it wasn't long before the "sales itch" returned.  Two commercial pecan-cracking machines arrived and he launched a very small venture called "Marion's Pecan Cracking".

The plan was only to crack local pecans for his customers, but a drought of local pecans that year helped carved a new course for his business. This challenge provoked his innovative genius and led him to the pecan groves of Georgia returning to eastern North Carolina with a trailer load of pecans ready to be cracked, shelled and sold.   Fourteen years later, he is still supplying pecans for people all over the United States from his backyard business.

To this day, he looks forward to the beginning of the busy season in November because he gets to enjoy two of his greatest pleasures: making sales and talking to the wide variety of folks coming to buy his pecans. Many days you'll even find him working after sundown to fill orders for the following day.

Memaw is always right there assisting and supporting him no matter what. Her prize-deserved pickles even wound up being sold right along-side the pecans. As she is to him, her pickles are a wonderful compliment to his pecans.

Over the course of 60 years my grandfather went from being "the produce man" to "the Lance man" to "the fish man" to "the pecan man." I joke with him that he really could sell anything if he tried and he should have gone into business for himself from the beginning. There is no telling where he'd be by now.

My grandfather instilled this work ethic and creativity into me from a young age. He used every teachable moment with me by his side to share these nuggets from his own life:

-Whatever you do, work hard and seek to rise above the challenges. Go above and beyond what is expected. Be dependable and strive for excellence in the mundane even when you think no one is looking...people will notice and more importantly the Lord sees your efforts.

-It is important to dress well and keep your appearance presentable because how you dress speaks of your character. First impression are lasting impressions.
People can be difficult so you can't let them get to you.

-Smile and reach out with enthusiasm and  embrace people for who they are. Ask how their day going.

My grandfather still refers my Memaw as his “best friend” and “sidekick.” They each serve each other in complimentary ways. He praises her endlessly for all her hard work in the kitchen and around the house. She in turn serves him by cooking delicious food , listening, and supporting him in all his adventures. They do not make any major decisions without consulting each other first.  As I've observed their marriage over the years, I notice that and have a committed love that is not emotions-driven. It's based on a covenant they made 61 years ago and it is a healthy reflection of God's love for us in Christ Jesus. The tide of emotions or circumstances does not change the course. Sacrifice is the basis of that kind of commitment and it comes with a  lot of give and take. It is not defined by pulling things your way to benefit self but rather extending yourself to give to the other what they lack. Sadly this is a missing link in my generation.

It is commitment to Christ and each other that "fuels" and "keeps the wheels turning" in their marriage. They are far from just an old married couple doing life together. They still love each other deeply and it shows in the way they interact daily by serving each other and talking about everything....they still flirt with each other (my grandfather mostly)...go on dates together to their favorite 3 restaurants in town (Moore's BBQ, Chic-Fila, and Pizza Hut)...play Canasta together (our family card game) and even though my Memaw is hard to beat, my grandfather won't quit! There is a lot of jesting and laughter that goes on around their table; It's one of my favorite ways to spend time with them.

NYC 2011

 

I spent Labor Day weekend in New York City visiting one of my best friends and college roommate, Bethany Griffith (www.bethanygriffithnews.blogspot.com). We did everything imaginable in the city, but the best part was getting to spend quality time with her. It's hard to believe that we've been friends for over 10 years now!

Central Park

Brooklyn Bridge Park

Cafe Lalo

Cafe Lalo could be named one of my favorite spots in the Upper West Side. This quaint little cafe stars in the hit movie,You've Got Mail starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks.

Times Square

 Alice's Tea Cup is an adorable tea room decorated in an Alice in Wonderland theme where they serve tea and scones. Let's just say that 99% occupancy were women!

Bethany, being the amazing friend that she is, also treated me to Sister Act on Broadway for my birthday. Though we were a little late because I was telling time on Central Standard Time!
We had many more wonderful experiences, but that's for another time...

Blissful Arrest

Take me away to 

Prince Edward Island, 
Garden of the Coast.

So I can spend the night in a big wild cherry tree, 

all silvery in the moonlight, on my way 

to Green Gables’ Shore.

Drive me down the peculiar red roads 

and adorning serenity of White Way Delight.

Arrest my senses in fields ofLavender

 and Queen Anne’s Lace.

Luxuriate my palate with oysters, 

clams, and lobster while 

the salty sea breeze captures my breath.

Stroll me along the crimson 
brimmed harbor, discovering giant windmills and 

faded lighthouses set in a background of dark blue.

And spend the evening at Laird’s Hill 

gazing at the red and orange hues, 

melting into the Lake of Shining Waters.

Tuck me in at the white farmhouse 

with a faded green roof.

Ironic Destiny

InTheGangOfPharisees                                                      

  Killed Christians

BlindedByTheLight

    Changed            

OneTwoThreeFourFive     

years   behind   bars     

         

    Martyrd         

BytheGangOfPharisees      

    Tasting                             

TheIrony of it all

NowIfTheyCouldTalk    

    I wonder       

WhatWouldTheySayToPaul?

Take Me Back

Gate falls. Pulsing red

lights. Tall, white

 poles passing.

Desperate to smell

salty ocean breath

Red, orange and

purple hues

swirl. Listen,

aquatic rythym syncs your breath.

Captured castles await you

Knee deep

can’t reach, crashing,

rushing,

and sucking

stinging eyes, almost lost my suit

Shades of red

skin. Frizzy hair, untamed.

Steamy

five o’ clock shadow.

Heavens flash and rumble,

run for cover

El’s drive-in.

Generations rave.

Fried shrimp,

cole slaw and ketchup

between the bun.

 

Purple awning dawns.

To the pier and back

with mom.

Tiny footprint engrave the tracks.

Gritty toes, a trail of sand,

seashells in the sink.

Hot cocoa melted marshmallows

soothes the lingering chill.

Hints of Me

I'd walk from Cork to Larne to see the forty shades
or all the way to China for a glimpse of ancient jades

Life after death, eternal living
Chaotic to calming, life giving

Critters in disguise
To the predator's surmise

Squeeze, juice, or slice
A fragrant spray or over ice

Starbucks, Garnier, and BP
attract with hints of me

George, Abe or Andrew
Out of print: two

Hug the tree, bend the knee
Refuse to reuse

From Titletown to Emerald Isle
to Stephen Kind's The Mile

Flatter with purple, magenta or red
Deuteranopia paints me dead

Ensalada, melon and tea
Blue and yellow matrimony-y

"Lu se" in Mandarin Chinese
Not so good in macaroni and cheese

Relationship with the Dead

Desiring relief of
endless grief,
Mothers come,
searching the name of their son,
longing for one last
conversation.

Hand placed
upon the engraved,
now
representing
just a name
absorbing grief.

Say goodbye,
longing for
the name
to come alive.
Instead to find,
a wall
with names engraved
staring back
in your reflection.

Risk

Nerves like hot wires.  My heart smells impending rejection. Pensive, I lie awake contemplating the risk I am about to take. Bittersweet anticipation swirls throughout my body as I picture letting ten, nearly complete, strangers a glimpse into my soul. Eight short hours to pass until my poem, wrought with my heart's deepest thoughts, awaits the critique of my professor and classmates. Although the critic I fear most is in my head, poisoning the little hope I have. Words flail against my innermost, unguarded thoughts. Hoping for the honest critique of my fellow comrades, I want to quiet his voice for good.

Deep reflections unconsciously embedded in the recesses of my soul sprout into daylight.  Threat to this newly formed life constitutes more than correcting syntax and grammar; The real threat: the critic’s voice propelling fear as I write honest details, breaching my level of comfortable vulnerability. Vague and abstract thoughts build a barrier of ambiguity, impervious to my insecurity.  Another voice comes through loud and clear sharing truth that compels to risk again: A good writer is specific, detailing concrete images and experiences scaling all five senses. Then these words resounded within the walls of my mind:

"Playing it safe may keep you from scrapes and bruises, but never gets you anywhere. To accomplish great things, one must risk every last drop of confidence for the holy cause. Success is born out of risk. If you fail, life is not over. You get up and keep going. And, pray of course that God will guard you against unnecessary suffering."

Surprising passion erupt in me as I discover the depth of untapped ambitions for writing. A summary of the experience I describe as the most enjoyable pain I've ever experienced. Sacrificing typical pleasures, my daily focus narrow to five simple tasks: Sleep. Eat. Class. Work. Write. ...Do over.

Mercies in Disguise

 "Blessings" by Laura Story is a new favorite song of mine. The depth of her lyrics are all the sweeter because I know the story from which they were inspired. In fact, I knew her husband before a brain tumor hospitalized him in 2006. Before this tragedy, he was on staff with the college ministry that led me to Christ. Laura Story's faith was put through the unexpected fires of fear and loneliness as she watched her husband suffer; most young newlyweds don’t imagine their spouse being kept alive at one point by breathing machines or having to find their way through significant post-operative vision and memory loss.

“Life is filled with things you don’t expect, but the Bible tells us to respond by trusting God and continuing to worship him,” Laura begins. “Martin (my husband) hasn’t received complete healing—and that can be hard at times when we view God as all-powerful and all-loving. But here we are now saying, ‘Yes, this is how faith works.’ God has proven to be faithful. We have been truly blessed out of a circumstance that at first didn’t seem like much of a blessing at all.”



Singing and teaching in churches across the United States, Western Europe, and South America, she believes “we have a voice that wasn’t there prior to this suffering. I can hardly begin to tell you of the hundreds of hurting people we’ve prayed with, people going through more than we have. This is a chance to share the gospel.” (http://www.laurastorymusic.com/bio)

The lyrics of her song sting to the core and comfort all at once. Truthfully, I don't love to suffer or have my desires go unfulfilled or experience loss. However, it is a comfort to know that these temporary unpleasantries are God's mercies in disguise. The object of our hope makes all the difference. Hope is desire, expectancy, anticipation of something that will come. It's a fixation on something worth waiting for, and even worth suffering for. Titus 2:13 says we are "waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works."


True and lasting hope is only found in Jesus Christ. When we pray, our prayers  should be for that which draws us closer to Christ. When we long, it should be for the heavenly. When we hope it should on the confident expectation that Christ is coming again and will make all things new. And for now, He is "a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul" (Hebrews 6:19). Hope in present sovereignty and future triumph!

WHY? Because when we put our hope in objects of comfort, peace, protection or in people or in feelings, we will eventually crumble along with collapse of those things. Put your hope in Christ and the loss of these things won't shatter you to pieces. He is "a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul" and when all else fails, He remains. All else pales in comparison. I've said too much...read the lyrics below. Let the words bless your heart.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Transcending Strength

Although great pain often disturbs the judgement I thank God I have not been allowed to doubt the goodness of the Lord in afflicting me, I bless his holy name for every sharp pang, and I entreat him to bring forth some good thing out of this present evil.  If he will but glorify himself in me or by me I shall be the happiest of men.

Let us always seek sanctification through affliction rather than escape from it.  I have no question that there is great wisdom in the Lord’s laying aside his instruments.  It is for his own glory, for thereby he shows that he is not in need of them; and it is for their humbling, for hereby they learn how deep is their need of him.…We may be sure that, if the Lord dries up a cistern, it is because he would have us fly to the fountain of inexhaustible strength. [Charles Spurgeon, 1890]

I would go to the deeps a hundred times to cheer a downcast spirit. It is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one that is weary. C. Spurgeon 

This was a good word for me this morning...woke at 2 am sleepless until just before my alarm went off at 5:30 am. Got out of bed at 2:30 a.m. to read my bible. Proverbs. My eyes blurrily staring at the page, I battled frustration over this continual affliction with insomnia....frustration rooted in entitlement and pride. I felt entitled to a good night's sleep and I was frustrated because I knew all too well how a day goes without sleep. Not fun to say the least!

At 6:30 a.m., I was already at my morning nanny job. Exhausted,  my attitude started to sink back into self-pity and entitlement. Then I stopped. I decided right then that I was going to decide a different course for today based on the strength accessed through the Holy Spirit. Here is how I pleaded with the Lord:

"Father, I need you to save me today from acting out in my flesh. I will be more prone to seek comfort in things outside of you and I already have a bad attitude because I woke up at 2 am and could not sleep. I know how this normally goes if I don't ask, so please help me resist impulsive reaches for comfort outside of You. I pray for my attitude to be that of Paul as His was of Christ. I confess that I am frustrated, maybe even angry, that I have to go through yet another day feeling this way. Be my strength."

Random thoughts were popping into my head as I lay there, my attention divided and constrained. I was half reading Proverbs, trying to talk myself out of a bad attitude and half distracted by the following recently heard mantras bouncing around in my head:

"One of the hardest decisions I make everyday is to follow Christ." -Unknown
"Suffering informs our teaching, preaching, counseling..." Jonathan Woodlief, (fellow seminarian)
"Christ's power is perfected in weakness" Paul, Romans 12:9-10
"Suffer well....remember that God is sovereign and He has not abandon you to your circumstances"... "As a child of God under mercy, anything that comes my way is discipline." Matt Chandler
"Those whom God will use greatly, He will wound deeply. It is His mercy to keep them humble." A.W. Tozer

In the middle of my circular montage of complaints and contemplating escape, a particular man came to my mind. The book containing his letters to loved ones chronicling his lifetime of suffering is one of my favorites to read over and over again. His stories are always so inspiring because they show that his suffering did not terminate on Himself, but led him to something greater than Himself. That is how He was able to deal so joyfully with the trials and tribulations he faced. His name is Paul; He was one of the most influential missionaries of all time, afflicted in many ways through weakness and suffering. He rejoiced in His suffering because it allowed him to tangibly reveal a portion of Christ's afflictions to make the mystery of God more fully known to everyone he encountered. (Colossians 1:24-29)

Once, he said of his weaknesses that they are a thorn in his flesh to keep him from becoming too elated or proud...therefore he boasted in God and not Himself. It is out of the discipline of His love that God allows weakness/suffering in our lives. Paul Himself pleaded with the Lord to remove the thorn in his flesh (weakness unspecified), but the Lord said to Him, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness." For Paul, His weakness was a reason to boast in and rest in the power of Christ. I'm sure he did not enjoy his weaknesses whatever they happened to be, but he said "for the sake of Christ, then, I am well content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." This strength, he implies, is from Christ in him promised through the Holy Spirit.

I made a decision today not to allow my physical/mental weakness be a reason to give in to the flesh, world and devil, but rather a reason to depend on Christ and boast in His power through me. I love how God has absolutely set us up for success! The enemy is trumped either way!

"The painful malady which puts the Christian minister hors de combat when he is most needed in the conflict is a kind messenger from the God of love, and is to be entertained as such: this we know, but how it can be so we cannot precisely tell." Spurgeon

Expressions of Glory

I love watching musicians perform with every instinct and talent given by God as if they are performing for an audience of one or no audience at all....It resonates with my passion for writing. When God inspires, it's supernatural. I'm always surprised by what comes out. I can't conjure it on my own and I have to be open to his leading and go with it. It is as prayerful and meditative as it is creative.God is the source of talent and inspiration, and I the conduit. The words flow and worship is expressed as I tirelessly tweak every sentence. Time flies and my soul is never as full as when I am writing for His glory. I am only thinking of Him.

Like a musician playing his instrument with every instinct and talent given by God....as I am when I write for His glory. Maybe that is why I appreciate music so much. It is an artistic expression of God through a man...part of His glory and creativity revealed!

Jesus and Life in Color

This may sound a bit cheesy or entirely inauthentic, but I thought seriously today about how much Jesus adds color to my life. This came to mind as I was reflecting on why the mundane things in life have taken on a new appeal lately. What was for a season, dull and unappealing is now conversely colorful...if you will, impelled by a beauty found only in Christ. It's like the blooming of spring after a long and cold winter!

This change happens when I humble myself in obedience and seek Him out. Christ then refreshes my dry and weary soul with water from his word and warmth from his presence. I am awakened again to the reality of His love and hope, inspired to dream again in faith of what He might accomplish through me.

Whenever I experience this renewal in my journey of faith, I am reminded of the impact Christ first had on my life many years ago. One day, after I gave my life completely to Christ, I was hiking through the Smokey Mountains, and I saw a vibrancy in God's creation that wasn't visible to me before. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says it clearly, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." In fact, it was I who changed! This reveals the simple truth that life is dull without Him in the mix.

Perhaps a benefit of winter-like seasons of the soul (feeling distant from God) is remembering what life was like without Christ in our lives. Life without Him is dull and colorless. Life with Him is colorful beyond comparison. Our response to Him should be one of gratitude for the access to abundance!

Stay Young

My grandfather said to me last night, "Stay young Heather. Don't ever grow old." At first I wasn't sure what he meant, or rather I  assumed he meant that growing old wasn't any fun because of all the aches and pains or heartache that comes with it...so avoid it if you can. After a few minutes of studying his expression, I realized what he actually meant was, stay young at heart. I knew then that he was trying to tell me to keep laughing, stay lighthearted and have fun in life no matter what. In other words, not to let your heart attitude grow old. There is no greater example of this to me than my grandfather!

I laugh more with my grandparents than almost anyone I'm around. At 82, still young at heart, they provide a great example for how to live wisely make the most of life. I forget that a lot of older people are grumpy, complaining and sedentary. Not my grandparents; They hardly let difficulties get to them. Not only that, but they live with zeal as if life were just beginning...not like it's about to end.
It isn't like they haven't experienced hard times, heartache or physical ailments. They've had more than their share of those. Still, I am constantly amazed at the attitude with which they choose to endure life's hardships. Even in their low points, they give glory to God, speak His promises and think positively.

It's a challenge...to me, to my generation and those who succeed us. May this legacy be granted to generations that come.

Take heart...

Just because something is today doesn't mean it will always remain.

There is a time for everything and a season for 

every activity under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 3:1

Praise be to the name of GOD for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons. Daniel 2:20

He will swallow up death forever. The sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all the faces; he will remove his people's disgrace from all the earth. The LORD has spoken. Isaiah 25:8

Then again, some things never change.

I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him. Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account. Ecclesiastes 1:14

God Does Not Change...

...His mind

God is not human, that he should lie,
not a human that he should change his mind.
Does He speak and then not act?
Does He promise and then not fulfill?
Numbers 23:19
...What He has Established
He set the earth on its foundations;
it can never be moved. Psalm 104:5

...What He has promised

He remembers His covenant forever, 
the promise He made for a thousand generations... 
1 Chronicles 16:15 

...What He has planned

But the plans of the Lord stand forever, 

the purposes of His heart through all generations. Psalm 33:11 

Therefore, those who TRUST  in God will not be MOVED

For great is his love towards us, and the faithfulness of the LORD 

endures forever. Praise the LORD.  Psalm 117:2

Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, 

which cannot be shaken but endures forever. 

Psalm 125:1

Gospel Hospitality

I read this today and it struck me how deep an impact gospel-centered hospitality can have.
This is a dream for me:

The Elliot home was always wide open to friends, including missionaries from many parts of the world. The impression this made on the four children (Jim Elliot being one of them) was deep, teaching them the grace of hospitality as well as giving them priceless opportunities to know many kinds of  people. "The children loved to have company, even though it meant giving up their beds," said Jim's mother, "and because they met new acquaintances so often at home they were cheerful and free and uninhibited in public." 
Fred Elliot (Jim's Father) read the scriptures daily to his children, seeking to show them the glory of Christ above all else, striving always to avoid legalisms or a list of "don'ts." "I prayed with them as well as for them," he says. And each of the children at an early age heard the call of Jesus and set his face to follow. 


-Shadow of the Almighty


The impact of growing up in such a home would have a ripple effect in the lives not only of their children, but countless others. Not to mention the impact on their guests who enjoyed the refuge of such a Christ-exalting and welcoming home! This resonates with my heart so much having been on both ends, giving and receiving hospitality. My hope and desire is to grow in this ministry and be given opportunities to exercise it generously and in Christ-exalting ways.

 "This Gospel of Hospitality invites people to come with their hopes and failures and questions to a place where they will be unconditionally accepted and, over time, brought to an understanding of their failings and God’s forgiveness. It is a place of refuge for the weary traveler. It welcomes the stranger, the neighbor, the pilgrim. Our only motivation is the fact that, being ourselves recipients of God’s hospitality that made us members of His household, we now have the joy of becoming conduits of His hospitality to others." David Black

Evidence of the impact: When Jim Elliot was twenty years old, he prayed,  "Lord make my way prosperous, not that I achieve high station, but that my life may be an exhibit to the value of knowing God." (Amen!)  Jim Elliot later became a missionary to the Auca Indians in the jungles of Ecuador and was murdered by the men for whom he had prayed for six years. His wife later wrote: "Jim's aim was to know God. His course, obedience-the only course that could lead to the fulfillment of his aim. His end is what some would call an extraordinary death, although in facing death he had quietly pointed out that many have died because of obedience to God."


He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose -J.E.


Romans 12:13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
Hebrews 13:1-2 Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

Impossible! Unless...

I love to hear about far-reaching dreams that become reality with God's creative touch and a steadfast perseverance of faith. I recently took time to read through some of my own journals of which are filled with pleadings that at the time seemed far from reach. One of my favorite things to do is go back and highlight all the requests that have since been answered, sometimes making notes as to how and when. This not only encourages me, but gives great hope for future plans that have yet to unfold. I do WANT to see the Lord do great things, but often I lack faith to pray it through.

One of my most memorable prayers answered is the one I prayed after meeting with the recruiter for English teachers to go to China. At the time, a senior in college, desiring to find God's will for my life in ministry, but not with intentions of moving overseas...much less to China! My simple challenge to the Lord  for Him to change my heart was this: "Lord, if you want me to go to China, do the impossible and get me excited about it!". I couldn't imagine what the next year would hold if he actually answered that prayer. There were too many obstacles in my mind! Now, I find that laughable because the one year commitment turned into four! He did indeed get me excited about China, though most of that excitement did not come in the method or timing that I expected! Even as my plane was leaving American soil, I thought to myself, "What am I doing?". My actual leaving was in faith. It wasn't until after I got to China that the desires of my heart really changed. As I spent countless hours pouring over lesson plans for my students, really struggling with feeling inadequate for the task, I noticed my heart begin to change when scores of students lined up after class with curious questions about my life in the West. This was only the beginning of what culminated in and through me.


Not only did He take me to China, He used China to transform my heart, which then had a ripple effect in my friends and family's lives! To be honest, at first I did not have a "heart" for overseas much less Chinese people. It took my going there and experiencing it firsthand in order to even understand why I should care about these people and why God cared! It was hard and humbling! There are countless stories like mine of people going overseas thinking they have something to contribute and finding out they have only begun learning for themselves what the gospel actually means. Then, it can be fleshed out. The heart can only overflow what has been poured in by the Lord. Personally I had nothing to boast in, except my participation in the gospel of grace.

Faye was one of the faces God used to change me.

I guess my point is, don't be afraid to dream larger than yourself! Honestly I lose sleep over this sometimes because it's so exciting and scary! Just the other night I tossed and turned with this phrase running through my mind, "Don't be afraid to dream bigger than I can... or I will... Instead dream, I can't..., but God can if He wills!" It might be obvious, but lately God has renewed my desire to live beyond what I think I can do so that His power is shown more mightily through me. I love to dream things that are doomed to fail unless God intervenes. Then I get to brag on Him to everyone about how He saved the day!
My faith is small so I need a lot of encouragement to keep going, especially when I don't see tangible success. God is patient though, and His grace is bigger than my apparent weakness. When I need encouragement to keep pursuing these 'impossible' dreams that I believe God has placed in me, I find old prayer journals or a missionary biography to read; They are testaments to His faithfulness past and that I cannot exhaust the provision of His resources! The point is keep asking and keep risking in faith  for His glory!