Although great pain often disturbs the judgement I thank God I have not been allowed to doubt the goodness of the Lord in afflicting me, I bless his holy name for every sharp pang, and I entreat him to bring forth some good thing out of this present evil. If he will but glorify himself in me or by me I shall be the happiest of men.
Let us always seek sanctification through affliction rather than escape from it. I have no question that there is great wisdom in the Lord’s laying aside his instruments. It is for his own glory, for thereby he shows that he is not in need of them; and it is for their humbling, for hereby they learn how deep is their need of him.…We may be sure that, if the Lord dries up a cistern, it is because he would have us fly to the fountain of inexhaustible strength. [Charles Spurgeon, 1890]
I would go to the deeps a hundred times to cheer a downcast spirit. It is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one that is weary. C. Spurgeon
This was a good word for me this morning...woke at 2 am sleepless until just before my alarm went off at 5:30 am. Got out of bed at 2:30 a.m. to read my bible. Proverbs. My eyes blurrily staring at the page, I battled frustration over this continual affliction with insomnia....frustration rooted in entitlement and pride. I felt entitled to a good night's sleep and I was frustrated because I knew all too well how a day goes without sleep. Not fun to say the least!
At 6:30 a.m., I was already at my morning nanny job. Exhausted, my attitude started to sink back into self-pity and entitlement. Then I stopped. I decided right then that I was going to decide a different course for today based on the strength accessed through the Holy Spirit. Here is how I pleaded with the Lord:
"Father, I need you to save me today from acting out in my flesh. I will be more prone to seek comfort in things outside of you and I already have a bad attitude because I woke up at 2 am and could not sleep. I know how this normally goes if I don't ask, so please help me resist impulsive reaches for comfort outside of You. I pray for my attitude to be that of Paul as His was of Christ. I confess that I am frustrated, maybe even angry, that I have to go through yet another day feeling this way. Be my strength."
Random thoughts were popping into my head as I lay there, my attention divided and constrained. I was half reading Proverbs, trying to talk myself out of a bad attitude and half distracted by the following recently heard mantras bouncing around in my head:
"One of the hardest decisions I make everyday is to follow Christ." -Unknown
"Suffering informs our teaching, preaching, counseling..." Jonathan Woodlief, (fellow seminarian)
"Christ's power is perfected in weakness" Paul, Romans 12:9-10
"Suffer well....remember that God is sovereign and He has not abandon you to your circumstances"... "As a child of God under mercy, anything that comes my way is discipline." Matt Chandler
"Those whom God will use greatly, He will wound deeply. It is His mercy to keep them humble." A.W. Tozer
In the middle of my circular montage of complaints and contemplating escape, a particular man came to my mind. The book containing his letters to loved ones chronicling his lifetime of suffering is one of my favorites to read over and over again. His stories are always so inspiring because they show that his suffering did not terminate on Himself, but led him to something greater than Himself. That is how He was able to deal so joyfully with the trials and tribulations he faced. His name is Paul; He was one of the most influential missionaries of all time, afflicted in many ways through weakness and suffering. He rejoiced in His suffering because it allowed him to tangibly reveal a portion of Christ's afflictions to make the mystery of God more fully known to everyone he encountered. (Colossians 1:24-29)
Once, he said of his weaknesses that they are a thorn in his flesh to keep him from becoming too elated or proud...therefore he boasted in God and not Himself. It is out of the discipline of His love that God allows weakness/suffering in our lives. Paul Himself pleaded with the Lord to remove the thorn in his flesh (weakness unspecified), but the Lord said to Him, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness." For Paul, His weakness was a reason to boast in and rest in the power of Christ. I'm sure he did not enjoy his weaknesses whatever they happened to be, but he said "for the sake of Christ, then, I am well content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." This strength, he implies, is from Christ in him promised through the Holy Spirit.
I made a decision today not to allow my physical/mental weakness be a reason to give in to the flesh, world and devil, but rather a reason to depend on Christ and boast in His power through me. I love how God has absolutely set us up for success! The enemy is trumped either way!
"The painful malady which puts the Christian minister hors de combat when he is most needed in the conflict is a kind messenger from the God of love, and is to be entertained as such: this we know, but how it can be so we cannot precisely tell." Spurgeon
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