Sobering Realities

“Humility is the only soil where grace can take root; the lack of humility is the sufficient explanation of every defect and failure. Humility is not so much a grace or virtue along with others; it is the root of all, because it alone assumes the right attitude before God and allows Him as God to do all.” –Andrew Murray

“There is tremendous relief in knowing that His love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion Him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench his determination to bless me.” –J.I. Packer

These quotes represent some of what I’ve been learning recently. I just finished reading Knowing God by J.I. Packer and another book called Humility by Andrew Murray. They are two phenomenal perspectives on the character of God as it relates to humankind. I also listened to the sermon John Piper gave at my church last Sunday...all to say, it's been a rich, but intense time of learning. Much sin exposure, resulting in much humility! As hard as I put forth effort to treasure Christ above all (Phil. 3:7-11), as hard I fail to do so. My heart resonates with Paul in Romans 7:15, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” It has dawned on me that a humbling of my soul to the point of possessing nothing (poverty of spirit) is the only hope I have for true change and acceptance of God's magnificent grace. Still, I need the gospel preached to me everyday.

I find it hard to let go of my striving to become a more qualified servant. My efforts to change are so sincere, yet futile and frustrating at best. He is the only one who has the transforming power to effect change in my life. In fact, He wills to do so. I understand so little of His unconditional love; It baffles me to think how unlovely I feel with only a small portion of my sin exposed. Imagine the sight from His perspective; He knows all from beginning to end. He reached out to me in the stark knowledge of all the wickedness about me and chose to love me with the promise of making me like His son.

The increasing exposure of my sin is sobering me to the fact that I have absolutely nothing to offer Him apart from the grace that He bestows. It is as true as it was when He first ripped me out of darkness. This humbling of my soul is my hope for change! The point at which He exposes sin in our lives, is the point which we can more fully grasp the concept of His love! As dirty and unworthy as we are, He loves us because of Christ's humility, manifested in obedience, through His death on the cross (Phil. 2:4-8).

Ephesians 2:4 says it best: “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved...and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God.”

There is so much more to say, but my hope is that these words will serve to encourage you with the hope that His plan is so much bigger than ours. Romans 8:28-30 shares His heart to work all things for good in our lives for the greater purpose of conforming us to Christ! He is the author and perfector of our faith and only in Him can we find acceptance and hope for change!


Now “Man’s chief care, his highest virtue, his only happiness, now and throughout eternity, is to present himself as an empty vessel in which God can dwell and manifest His power and goodness.” –Andrew Murray

"Aggressive Usurpers"

There is a book that resides on my shelf for periodic re-reading and reflection. The passionate heart of the author reveals a pure devotion to Christ, of which I am most envious. A.W. Tozer’s quiet humility in his book, “The Pursuit of God”, reflects the heart of one experienced in true unadulterated communion with God through the crucible of personal trials. The most striking chapter in the book was chapter 2, The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing. It begins with a quote from Mathew 5:3 which says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” This chapter goes on to describe the ways in which fallen man is perverting the gifts of God and consequently ruining the soul of its purest devotion to Christ. These external things man is using to fill the soul are taking over the throne where God belongs, causing extreme turmoil within.

This quote by Tozer sums it up pretty well: “ Men have now by nature no peace within their hearts, for God is crowned their no longer, but there in the moral dusk, stubborn and aggressive usurpers fight amongst themselves for first place on the throne.” His gifts have taken His place in our hearts and have caused terrible spiritual trouble!"

The story of Abraham and Isaac is illustrated to prove this point further. Abraham has finally been given a son after years of waiting on the Lord. Finally, he is a father yet God sees that his heart is becoming idolatrous in his love for Isaac and asks him to give Isaac as a sacrifice. Abraham obeys God and trusts that God will raise Isaac up on the altar. God loves Abraham and wants to keep him from an idolatrous love that will ruin his life. The gift of his son Isaac was never meant to become the sole source of satisfaction. Ultimately for us all, God desires to correct the perversion that exists in our love so that our hearts can be satisfied in Him alone. He is jealous for our whole-hearted, love and affection. Indeed, He is most worthy to receive it as well!

Mathew 16:24-35 explains the cost of true discipleship. The one who loses his life for the sake of Christ will gain life for his soul. “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” This paradox is apparent in the Christian life in how we try to save ourselves through possessing and attaining and yet our souls wither away for lack of true nourishment. In order to truly save our life for eternity, we must learn denial of temporal things that suppress our hunger for God. He is the object of true satisfaction and nourishment for our soul. All else proves to suffocate our desires for Him and ultimately stifles our joy and fulfillment in life. We were created to love Him with our foremost devotion to bring glory to His name!

“As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God…” -Psalm 42:1-2

Special Recipe

Fall break is here! It's a time to catch up on studies and spend time doing things that get crowded out during the semester. Although it is called a "break", really it is catch up time for all the work that has piled up and soon approaching its due date! I have determined, though, to have a little fun and let that be my motivation for working hard! One thing I love is cooking, especially for people I love in the ways that they enjoy! Becca and I have been talking about eating a southern meal ever since the beginning of the semester, but our schedules just haven't allowed it to happen. So, last night I promised her that I would make my grandmother's famous fried chicken recipe. Normally, I am not a fried-chicken kind of girl, but this is well worth all the health defeating properties!

This blog entry is dedicated to my grandmother, who I have called "Memaw" from my earliest days of speech. She is a very special lady, whom I look up to for her strength and devotion to the Lord. Her mantra to me is always, "Take one day at a time and trust in the Lord! (Proverbs 3:5-6)" Aside from her Christ-like character, she is an amazing cook! I have idolized her in this way since I was a small girl, standing by her side with the utmost curiosity. When I called her last night to let her know that I was making her special recipe, I could see her face light up through the phone! She is one of the primary reasons that I spend time writing these blog entries. Her joy is made full as she reads and re-reads the stories from my life. Only a grandmother's love! So, I dedicate this one in particular to her! Thanks Memaw for allowing me to learn from you! I hope it will impact generations to come!

I'm also thankful for my roommate Rebecca! God has given us a very special friendship and I find it a joy to love and serve her as she does me everyday! Our home is a refuge from the storms of life and work in the world around us. We find spontaneous laughter to be one of the greatest sources of refreshment to our weary souls! It helps remind us not to take ourselves SO seriously all the time!
Life is so crazy in our coming and going throughout the semester that we don't often get these unhindered moments together! So fun to have a kindred spirit around!

Joyous moment

While I was exercising at White Rock Lake Park this morning, I watched a guy catch a fish on his second cast! Joy exploded in me just watching him light up! What a fabulous way to begin the day! I couldn't help but shout in celebration over his success!
That, along with the beautiful sunrise over the water, was a gracious gift of God after a night of sleeplessness. So thankful for these reminders that He is ever aware of what our heart desires! It all points back to Him!

No Frills

I will simply submit the highlights this week for the sake of time. We are at that point in the semester when everything seems due at once. On top of that, my job situation is everything but dependable at the moment. In spite of the swirling chaos around me though, I feel an overwhelming peace that God is in control. There is always enough grace to sustain me in the present moment. My imagination is what gets me into trouble sometimes!

Anyways, here goes some highlights from my week:



Helmet fun with my two year old class at NW Bible Church! This little boy was insistent that I wear this helmet while we worked on crafts together! I couldn't resist! Looks like we are ready to ride! Vrrrm...Vrrrm!!!




This is where I camped out all weekend working on a research paper for one of my biblical counseling courses. It was grueling, but we made sure to take a few good study breaks! My roommate and I checked out so many library books, a classmate called and ask to borrow some. Apparently, we took most of the books on developmental theories!


Friday night we "breaked" for a pumpkin party with friends! The party was hosted by Laura and Katherine, two of the most hospitable gals I know! They planned for marsh mellow roasting and pumpkin carving too, but we were all too engrossed in conversation and making s'mores! The pumpkins came home un-carved.

Friday Afternoon Fun

Friday afternoon I planned an afternoon of fun for Nicholas and Elizabeth, beginning with a trip to my apartment to meet my roommate Rebecca. It's surprising how the simple things in life can bring such excitement to children!
After visiting with Rebecca, we enjoyed some time outdoors feeding the ducks, the fish, and the turtles in the lagoon near our apartment. Talk about exciting times! For them, this experience was euphoric! Of course it was such a delight for me to watch them interact with nature and ask questions! Getting a glimpse of the world through their eyes is so refreshing!

Last, the great finale of our afternoon was the Family Fall Fest at my school. The lawn was filled with smiling children engaging in games, crafts, face-painting, pumpkin decorating, and much more! Elizabeth and Nicholas were among them, overwhelmed by the excitement of it all! Much to my amazement and delight, neither of them ran away from me, got hurt, threw a temper tantrum or wet their pants! If you are a parent or a nanny, you know what I mean! We did have a couple of close calls when their helium balloons floated away into the sky, but I quickly responded with something like, "Now you can make a wish!". That helped turn their disappointment upside-down! Overall, I think a good time was had by all! The best part, I got paid for it!

It was the first beautiful fall day filled with soul-penetrating rays of sunshine and crisp, cool air. The kind that brings back memories in college of hiking through the Blue Ridge Mountains enjoying the beautiful foliage of fall arrayed in hues of red and orange! Following weeks of rain and the compounded stress of school and life, this was a much needed change for me as well as the kids!

A Soul Pondering

The knowledge of our own poverty brings us to the moral frontier where Christ works. -Oswald Chambers

I have been struck by contemplation of my own spiritual poverty this week. The more I grow in grace, the more I come to grips with my deep need for more. In this soul discovery, I've found the basis for much of my sin is unbelief. As this was turning around in my mind, it really started to bother me. So, I took some time to journal and asked myself the question: "If I really believed God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do, then how would my thoughts and actions change?" Needless to say, the list was inexhaustible and I very quickly felt overwhelmed by the contrast of God's magnitude and my fluttering unbelief. In the end, I stopped to worship Him for who He is and recognize that He is in charge of changing me. It is my charge to repent and give myself again to His shaping. My mantra in prayer this week was, "Lord, help my unbelief!" In other words, transform me from the inside out. I want to act in accordance with the truth about God that dwells deep within. The basis for all of this thinking is of course the fact that we innately act out what we believe to be true (Proverbs 12:20). If I worry when God says not to worry (The truth being everything is under His control), then clearly I am faltering in my belief that God is, in fact, in control.

The past few weeks, in conjunction with this, I have also been meditating on Romans 6 all the while asking God to transform my heart. I come back to this passage daily to soak in its pungency. I can hardly grasp this concept of grace in my life! My hope is that as this passage becomes part of me, I will begin to be transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit. On top of all of this inner turmoil, I have experienced tremendous amounts of grace in context of friendships, work and study. My heart sings with gratitude, but it also stings with a sense of unworthiness. Experiential knowledge leaves an indelible impression, yet sometimes a much harder lesson!

Turning Another Page

Thank you Chic-Fila! Last week I heard on the local radio station that Chic-Fila would be giving away free chicken sandwiches on Thursdays in September from 6-7pm. A little skeptical, my roommate and I decided as poor graduate students it was worth a try! We get out of class at 6:30 pm on Thursday, so we booked it to Chic-Fila ASAP! Alas, it was true with no strings attached! We had free dinner at Chic-Fila two weeks in a row!


Classes are going well! I am still really enjoying the privilege of sitting under such amazing professors. A sense of gratitude and awe still overwhelm me at times. The course load attempts to as well, but by the grace of God I maintain the perspective that grades are not of foremost importance. That isn't the best way to glorify God or learn effectively anyway. My highest aim in all that I do here is to work with all of my energies invested for the sake of God's glory and those I will be impacting. It's not easy juggling three-plus jobs with graduate studies while maintaining excellence in all things. However, God is gracious. When I depend on Him and trust Him with the strength for now, and leave the next thing to Him, I am at peace. He will not fail me.

Work is ministry. Since I am a nanny, I have the opportunity shed light on kids and families. God is gracious to give me wisdom to know just how to interact with these kids in such a way that they know they are loved while providing much needed boundaries. There is a delicate balance between discipline and fun. Each child has their own way of testing. Again, I trust God to give me wisdom in how to lovingly guide these kids toward the truth.

Opportunities abound! This is just a taste of how my work schedule can be: Yesterday I babysat three different times. My day begins at 6:45 am with Sasha, the little boy I take to school in the mornings. I help him get ready until 7:30 and drive him to school. Then at 8:30, I was at NWB Church doing childcare for their MOPS program until 12:30. I went home and had lunch, did homework then left again at 3:20 to pick-up Elizabeth (7) and Nicholas (3) from school. I pick them up four days a week and keep them until 6:30-7 pm. Their parents are going out of town today, so I am staying with them overnight for the first time! It should be interesting!
You are probably wondering when I have time for school. I have the same thought sometimes, but somehow it works out. He gives exactly what is needed for the very thing He calls us to do!

Elizabeth and Nicholas

Re-connecting

Yay for connecting with old friends and new ones!

Liz is an old kindred spirit from my college days in Campus Outreach. I haven't seen her since she got married five years ago, but we've kept up with each other through newsletters and Christmas cards. Her and her husband, Jeremy, have spent the past five years in Austin where he is finishing up his PhD in Sociology.
I got a surprise email from her the other day saying she was in Dallas for the week and wanted to get together. I was so excited, I could hardly contain myself! As you might imagine, there was much to catch up on! Not to mention, this was my first time meeting little Annie, the newest addition to their household!

Isn't she a doll?!

What If, Perfect Grace?

Choose one characteristic of God's personality and describe how this characteristic would appear in your life if you were as perfect as God created and requires you to be.

(Class assignment)

Grace. This particular character trait of God’s personality absolutely confounds me. I am mystified by the perfection of His grace toward mankind and what that should exactly look like in my own life. Though intrinsically impossible, when I imagine displaying perfect grace as God does and requires of me, I can only think of one scenario: Adopting a child out of life of complete poverty and despair. I imagine a child that is scarred by the pain of loneliness and rejection, harboring distrust, anger and hostility. I imagine a child that is marred and undesirable. His parents have discarded him for mere convenience' sake. I imagine this child wallowing in mud along with the swine at an attempt to bathe himself. He doesn’t even know that he should belong anywhere else. Survival up to this point has depended on his ability to lie, steal, cheat and fight his way through life. This is the only identity he knows up until…

I come along, manifesting God’s perfect grace, swoop this child out of his current conditions, bring him into my loving care, and claim him as my own. After holding him in my arms for a while, I take him home and clean him up. Though he is still very skeptical of the genuine nature of my love so he continues to lie, cheat, and steal. He has never had anyone protect or provide for him, much less show him an ounce of love. I take time to explain to him God’s extravagant love and grace as I am displaying it in his life. In spite of his reactions, I continue to lavish my love on him by spending hours each day sitting with him, listening and telling him how much I love him. I give him a room in my house to call his very own with toys to play with and new clothes to wear. I take him to school and church to meet new friends and learn new things. I help him with his homework and cook nutritious meals for him to eat. No matter his response to my love, I continue to give and give and give. Though my heart aches because he doesn’t return my affections, I continue to lavish it upon his undeserving little soul. It is perfect grace that enables me to love something deemed so unlovable and undeserving. My love toward this child is what you call unconditional love. He did nothing to earn my love nor did he go so far as to ask me to love him. In fact, he turns his back on me and is unresponsive to my love at times. Though my heart aches for the return of his affection, God’s perfect grace will not allow me to withhold good from this little child.

Trained in Godliness

"Nothing strengthens us so much as isolation and transplantation...under the wholesome demand his soul will put forth all her native vigor... it may not be necessary for us to withdraw from home and friends; but we shall have to withdraw our heart's deepest dependence from all earthly props and supports, if ever we are to learn what it is to trust simply and absolutely on the eternal God."

-F.B. Meyer

I found this quote in a book that I have been reading about a lady's journey through doubt into faith and eventually onto the mission field in China. It struck me personally because I feel that my heart is constantly challenged by these principles. Even this very moment, my heart is torn about some things. I can't help but acknowledge that it is by removing all earthly dependence that we can truly learn to trust and depend on God. That is what is so glorious about the trials in life!

I must share the recent joys of my week. Yesterday, after a full day at school getting some essentials taken care of, we journeyed over to a restaurant called Texadelphia. The place was packed out with DTS students and staff. The owner is a graduate of DTS and hosted a welcome dinner for all the new students. The best part for me was towards the end when I finally worked up the courage to walk over to a booth where a Chinese couple sat with their young daughter and another Chinese gal. I introduced myself and shared a little bit about my past experiences and interest in China. They seemed really excited to talk to me. He even thanked me for my service there. I told them that I really love China and would love to be their friend. They have only been in the US for 3 weeks waiting for classes to start. He will be studying full time so I imagine his wife will need some companionship! I'm sure they've experienced quite a bit of culture shock to say the least. The little girl doesn't speak any English, however the wife does. I am very excited to see how the Lord might use me in this family's life this year.

I'm planning to attend a Chinese church tomorrow too as I'm really praying about how God might use me and teach me in the Chinese arena! I really want to establish some deep friendships with Chinese people here.

Also, my roommate and I are having dinner with old city teammates from China that we met coincidentally at orientation on Thursday! They invited us for Chinese dumplings...how appropriate!

Surprises Unveiled

If ever I felt overwhelmed by God's control over the circumstances in my life, it is now. I just got back from orientation at DTS, where I was stunned once again by the realization of the enormous privilege I have to study at the "Harvard of biblical seminaries"! Exciting and intimidating! My eyes welled up with tears during one of the hymns we sung as I thought about how long I've waited to make this dream a reality and it's finally here!!

God has a way of showing up in the most unexpected ways. Today, I figured I would meet tons of awesome people, but I had no idea how some of those connections would be arranged! Listen to these awesome and sweetly divine appointments!!

We ran into a DTS student that Becca met last year as he was passing through Nanchang, China. She met him once in China and found out he was going to DTS this fall so they kept in touch through email. He was one of the first people we saw on campus this morning! He is also fluent in mandarin and is planning to attend the local Chinese church!

Then, Becca and I were stopped on our way into orientation by a guy that used to be a team leader in Nanchang the year after I left. (For those that know, he was Jon Golike's team leader!) He and his brother are studying at DTS along with their wives! He lived in Nanchang during Becca's two-years of service and his brother lived there while I was there over two years ago! They have already scoped out the good Chinese restaurants in Dallas, so we plan on having them take us there before things get too crazy!

Then, at the end of the day I am sitting down waiting for one of the meetings to start and this guy sits next to me and says, "You're Heather Scruggs?" (I had a name tag on). Come to find out, he is one of the guys who was suppose to help us move into our apartment. Never met the guy before! He is a connection I made indirectly before moving here. I emailed a local church requesting help with moving our furniture up to our second floor apartment and he was one of the guys they recruited to help us! We didn't end up needing his help because we arrived a day early. Anyways, it gets better! He is also a biblical counseling major AND he lives in our apartment complex one street over!

More highlights of my day include the formal acknowledgement of all the international students from around the globe, including at least two from China! And, meeting a very sweet older student who is also studying biblical counseling AND has an adopted daughter from China! I love it!

As you can imagine, I am so drained from all the input today! I thought that it might help me process if I wrote some of it out. Tonight, a friend is making lasagna for a few of us. She is the friend that graduated from DTS as a biblical counseling major! That should be fun!

And, tomorrow is a little lighter. Activities start with a women's lunch and then have to take the MMPI personality test tomorrow afternoon. Can't wait to see what other fun surprises God has in store! Thanks for keeping up with it all! It feels like a whirlwind!

Part-time Job #1

Well, I just accepted a job offer perfectly suited for my schedule and needs!

As of next week, I will be driving a five year old boy to school 5 days a week. The plan is to arrive at his house (<2 mi. away) by 7:00 am, make sure he is dressed and ready for school, then I will drive him one mile down the road to his school by 8:00 am. His parents both work at the J.C. Penney's headquarters in North Dallas so they must leave the house by 7:10. It is his very first time going to school. I'm excited that I get to be the one to take him! He seems like a neat kid. And, I'm looking forward to getting to know his parents as well. They have traveled all over the world with their jobs. The dad is a "buyer" for J.C. Penney's and travels to China frequently! How cool! I just received the phone call about this job about an hour ago and I'm waiting to hear about a couple more. Dallas is crawling with opportunities to nanny for affluent families, not to mention the pay is great! My class schedule is a little awkward though. I've had trouble matching up afternoon jobs because of classes. I signed up with a company called SitterCentralDallas that matches nannies with families who need help. I had an interview with them last week and will be getting certified in CPR training as well as a type of play therapy. This company is well marketed in the Dallas area and is even used by the Dallas Cowboys when they play home games! Thanks for keeping up! More to come...

Let the good times roll a little longer!

Becca had a friend (Christy) visit her from Oklahoma this weekend. It was fun being the hosts in a city that we have barely gotten to know ourselves. It's a great excuse for more adventures around town!

We ate Ethiopian food one night at a fabulously authentic restaurant close to our house because Becca's friend loves Ethiopian food! In Ethiopia, they use the crepe-like bread to pick up the food. No spoons. No forks. Just the bread!


Today we spent the morning at the Arboretum taking pictures. It is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. It is the kind of place you could spend all day walking around. The only thing wrong was the 100 degree weather! No wonder admission for the month of August is only a dollar! We will definitely go back when it cools off a bit!


Texas spirit, yeah yeah!

Great roommate shot!

We have the same sense of humor!



Adios for now! Orientation begins in two days. The past two and a half weeks have been so extremely beneficial for us as we have learned so much about our new surroundings. It has also given us time to settle into our apartment and get to know each other better. We are still in the job hunt phase of things, however it's looking promising. Becca and I both have had several calls and interviews about nanny and childcare positions.

I am excited about orientation. Hopefully it will give us an idea of what to expect for the upcoming semester. It will also be fun to meet our classmates and some of our professors. We've already made so many connections with people and we're excited for more!

Destination Dallas, Texas!

Well we've made it to Texas, our home for at least the next three years. The drive down wasn't as brutal as I expected it to be. Considering I covered a total of 1300 miles in 2 1/2 days, it was a pretty fun and smooth trip. Becca's dad and brother were with us, driving the moving truck, which added an element of safety and fun. Becca's brother, Robert had some stops planned out for us to eat at Dreamland BBQ in Birmingham, AL, then authentic Cajun food in Shreveport, LA and finally true "Tex-Mex" cuisine once we arrived in Dallas. We drove all day looking forward to the festive feast the awaited our arrival at each destination! I was really thankful as well that my car made the drive without any problems whatsoever! 

Amazingly, we arrived a day earlier than expected so we actually moved in on Friday afternoon. Saturday afternoon we went downtown to take a close look at our new 

school. Walking around the campus of DTS was very surreal for us! We could not believe that we finally made it after years of praying for this dream to actualize! After that, Becca's brother and dad took us to the JFK museum and then to The Butcher Shop for dinner. Can you guess what they specialize in? Beef is it! I surprisingly opted for baked potato and salad. Delicious!

It was a strange feeling to drop her dad

and brother off at the hotel and go back to our apartment alone for the first time. We talked about how we both felt a little sad to see them go. Since we moved down here in faith that God would provide everything we need, including a job, we felt a little overwhelmed by the thought of when and how that might happen. Even though we believe strongly that He has called us here and He indeed will provide, we still have moments that we sink in a panic of fear. I think that is a pretty normal reaction though. The decisions we've made to move down here in faith goes against all human logic. We are thankful each day for the reminders that He is here with us. We have some pretty amazing stories to share of His faithfulness. You'll hear about them eventually I'm sure! 

Now that we've had some time to settle into our new home and explore the city a little, we Both feel a little more at peace. It is a huge transition for us both, coming from China and small town southeastern USA! We love it though! Dallas is crawling with people from all over the world. Our next door neighbors are even Chinese! We already have some connections here from mutual friends back east. It has been a blast getting to know other seasoned seminary students! They have a ton of wisdom to share with us. I can't wait to see who we'll come across next!

Closing thoughts

There are few words to describe just how I feel. There is so much anticipation looking toward the unknown, yet my heart is like a sponge soaking every last bit of goodness out of these last few drops of time. I was thinking today how odd it is that until you get ready to lose something, you don't fully experience what it means in your life. What a perplexity! Well, at least it gives us a reason to be thankful for these times of change. If things never did change, we wouldn't know just how good we had it. Hmph.

The last moments with someone you love always seem to be the sweetest. Somehow loving that person becomes sweet and bitter at the same time. You long to hang on, but you know deep down if you did then you'd end up souring the sweetness that God hath made by His grace. The proper posture in any relationship is to lay it down before the throne of God and say, "Not my will God, but your will alone be done". That is when a relationship can be truly blessed and cherished!

'Tis God's amazing grace that allows any at all to be at peace with Himself or anyone else. If you put your faith and trust in Him alone, then and only then are you enabled to have true peace. This inner peace will transform your entire life and begin to affect everyone around you too. I know this with unshakable confidence and experience it in my own life!

Rummaging Thoughts

Life never turns out like you expect, but it is always better when you can appreciate what God is doing through life's circumstances! I am learning to glory in the mystery of the unknown and appreciate what is here and now. Most of the time, I live life focused on the "next thing". I'm realizing that I miss the gift of "now" by doing that.

Don't underestimate what God can do through your dreams and desires. Love God and pursue your dreams! There are seasons in life when doubt creeps in for whatever reason, but there is always a good friend or some other source to remind me of God's hand working things together. Just move forward and trust His leading! Guaranteed He will close the doors that He wills to close! He makes no mistakes and He'll never leave nor forsake His children. A good reminder.

Another transition awaits me. I am excited to see what lies ahead in the next chapter and yet I am beginning to grieve the loss of those I will leave behind. The timing is right and preparations have been made. God has confirmed. There will be no turning back now unless His hand unravels the pieces. In a strange way, I can relate to the baby birds that have been preparing for the day they will be pushed out of the nest for their first solo flight. (though not my first) I imagine that they tremble as they sit ready, peering down over the nest where the great wide-world awaits their exploration! At first flight, I'm sure they fall a few feet before they learn to open their wings and let the wind carry them wherever. How exciting it must be for that little bird to realize that all he needs to do is open his wings and effortlessly glide on its current. He knows not the destination of his journey. He's just along for the ride. What a view that must be!

Many days I stand on the edge of the unknown flapping my wings in a panic because I am not resting in the strength that is there to carry me. I am prone to forget how I was created to glide effortlessly on His strength that carries me where He wills. My flapping and carrying on doesn't change the course of the wind. It is futility at best. May tomorrow be the day I take off and glide effortlessly on the grace and strength that God gives to carry me through the day! No flapping and no complaining!

New York, New York